Not so hopeless anymore.

At The Brink Of Taking A Drink-Again

2009-06-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

I found that when I sobered up-in the first 30 days to 6 months-I was completely broken down and lost in life. I had to eat dried beans daily and could not find any work. I mean it: no work was available. Even day hire spots had no people waiting to be picked up. I could not find a toilet to clean even if I paid to clean it myself. I did not have a roof over my head that I could pay for and I was financially paperless: I had no checking account and was banned from obtaining one. I had and still have to this day a hard time feeling grateful, because now my health suffers. I had a car and I was alive so I guess I could be grateful for being able to get to AA meetings. I remember hitting some study groups and they happened to be on the 12th step; step 12 is similar to being at the apex of your sobriety. Several people were sharing about their warm and fuzzy existence now that they had arrived at Step 12; this grossed me out but I stayed in the meetings. I was not at the point in my sobriety were I wanted to be hearing grandiose speeches especially when they were coming out of people that were probably as broken down as me at one point. I remember that I just kept going to those AA meetings, but I definitely needed "something" else to keep staying sober; if maintaining my sobriety had rested solely on the AA meetings and 12 Step work in this nasty little area of the world I would have been back on the bottle in a flash. The recovery community in my area falls short of the mark. Believe me, I "worked" the program as it was suggested, but I saw more people like me going from AA than coming to it. In my humble opinion AA has a high failure rate and a dismal record given the enormous amount of available alcoholics out there to work with; its "attraction rather than promotion" etiquette is not attracting and retaining addicted people. Very few of us are fortunate to enter AA and have it stick on us or have us stick in it. At AA we are taught that if you fail in the program it is because of your inability to be honest. I don't buy it. I think AA has to realize that it falls short of the entire recovery solution and admit that fact honestly. One of the main concepts in AA doctrine is that you need to find your "higher power". This is not AA's invention, but they sure use their in-program God like they invented it. That is why I believe the greatest recovery book that I have ever laid eyes on is actually the Bible. Even atheists and agnostics can use the Bible as a recovery tool and knock it up to reading a work of fiction that gives good advice. Mentioning the Bible brings me back to the point I was starting at the beginning of this blog. The only thing that kept me sober those awful and hard days when I was piss poor and could not afford to eat was the phrase out of The Lord's Prayer, "give us this day our daily bread". Struggling with my faith and all other aspects of my life I just clung to the few tools I had: my wavering faith, a pet and AA meetings.

Faith-Based Recovery (even for atheists)

2009-06-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been somewhatpreoccupied with death-I can't seem to get the dreary subject matter out of myhead. Specifically, I have been worrying about what seems like the possibilitythat there is no life after death. I have been terrified by the notion thatthere might be nothing for us when we die: no reunification with Christ or ourbeloved people and pets, and no everlasting love from our Maker.I am a recovered alcoholic and due to God's grace I have been reborn bothspiritually and in a sense, physically. As a result of my sobriety I sensetime's lapse more acutely in my life, and I am concerned that I might havesquandered my chance to accomplish something meaningful in this life. I amconstantly bombarded by atheistic ideology in the media and combined with myfears about lapsing time I have anxiety attacks especially at night concerningdeath. My faith is shaken to the core when I ponder death. Can you help meout?Rick As I read your email I was saddened by the thought that your Faith might beshaken. It appears that Satan is working overtime on your psyche as thefollowing verse warns us. 1 Peter 5:6-9 “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God,thatHe may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares foryou. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like aroaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” What we see at night is oftendarker than in the day, especially since it is quiet with no distractions andwe are still to think. I have been very anxious at times at night and haveemployed various techniques to help:1) Pray Psalm 42:10 “Be still and know that I am God”…over and over each timeworries come to mind such as death, and give it to God. Another effectiveverse is: 2 Tim 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of powerand of love and of a sound mind.” 2) Or/and pray Psalm 23 repeatedly, and Psalm 63:6-8 talks about meditating onGod in our bed at night.3) Or get up and read your favorite chapters in the book of John or otherPsalms4) Because I also have painful arthritis and am allergic to most meds, Isometimes take an Ativan for insomnia and anxiety. You and your doctor shouldbe able to figure out what is best for you.5) Never watch the news or any dark program before bedtime. I watch a shortcomedy and then read something spiritual before lights out. Because I did not come to know Jesus until I was 40, I also feel I have verylittle time to give back to the LORD. Fortunately His Word, the Biblereassures us that our main work is to believe, to love and TRUST in Him. Hewill provide each opportunity for us to worship, (work for Him), if we arewilling and eager to serve, in any way. Micah 6:8 says:” He has shown you, Oman, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you, But to do justly, Tolove mercy, And to walk humbly with your God.” What could be more meaningfulto your life? Jesus knows our hearts. Paradox lies at the very heart of life’s mystery. What we strive for can often be what we least need. What we “fear most canturn out to be our greatest blessing.” Just because we exist, we have meaningand purpose. The Bible is a book of 7000 promises from God to us. Explore tofind them. Some recommended, wonderful readings include Psalm 46, 2 Cor 5which speaks about being absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, Revelations 21:1-7 and Rev. 7:9-10 and 16-17 talks about no more death, painor sorrow—WOW!, Hebrews 11:1-3, Psalm 32:7-11, Psalm 145:14-21, Romans8:35-39 that says death will not separate us from Christ, Psalm 90:12-17 tellsus to number our days which does not mean that we live in dread, fearing death,but that we live with joy and gratitude making the most of every precious day. That kind of living is God’s wisdom. Also,1 Peter 1:3-9, Psalm 18:1-6 and16-17talks about the snares of death, Psalm 62:5-8. Life is a gift…Now, in changing your life, you are reborn in a new form. Donotlose hope and keep your soul and heart pure. (Phil 4:8-9 …”whatever things aretrue, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things arepure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if thereis any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things.The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in Jesus, thesedo,and the God of peace will be with you.” The outcome depends on how we choose toreact to our crisis. Jesus once said, ”Whoever wants to save his life willlose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it.” And PRAY, PRAY,PRAY. Phil 4:6-7 says to “ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything byprayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known toGod; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard yourhearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Also, Proverbs 15:29 says,” The LORD is far from the wicked,But He hears the prayer of the righteous.” God’s amazing grace is giving us “the gift of faith.” It is not something thatwe are generating by our own effort or in our own strength. It is a gift. Thereal, biblical, healthy, miracle-working faith is never a matter of denial. Itis a matter of declaration. Young David did not have to deny the size of thegiant Goliath, he just declared that God was greater. Daniel did not have todeny the presence of the lions in the lion’s den, he just declared that God wasgreater. And you don’t have to deny the physical death; you just need todeclare that God is greater! 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 states, “We are hard pressedon every side, but not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, butnot abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” Our confidence is in ourSavior. “Therefore, do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away,yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentarytroubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far out weighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what isseen is temporary, but what is seen is eternal. As for worrying that there is no life after death, Jesus, God the Son declaresotherwise many times in His Word; our only ‘work’ is to trust Him. John 14:1-4states:"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. InMyFather's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. Igoto prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I willcome again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. I also believe that my animals will be with me in heaven since animals such asbirds and horses are mentioned in Rev 19:17,21, and 11 and in other verses.Remember what Jesus said in Matt 24:10-13: At that time many will turn awayfrom the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophetswill appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness,the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will besaved. So we must keep our focus on Jesus and hold onto His promises of goodness,faithfulness, power, and love. Psalm 118 says,”This is the day that the LORDhas made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” Live it and give it for theglory of God. And, don’t forget that my story, like yours, has a really happyending! …And even the ending will only be the beginning!! I know I said a lot, but the GOOD BOOK is REALLY GOOD! In His Amazing Love and Mercy,Fred at ProJesus

Just A Heavy Drinker With Bad Luck

2009-06-15T11:43:00.001-07:00

As the title says, I thought I was a "normy" with bad luck at one point in my drinking career. Thinking in this way was one of many attempts at intellectualizing my disease: an uncanny strategy to avoid cessation of consumption. The little red devil was truly on my shoulder at all times legitimizing my addiction. The devil was almost subconscious for me, but not quite; he was laying on the fringe of consciousness always ready to take me at the weakest point. Consequently, everything concerning my life went from being a bad dream to a stark nightmare. Soon I had become a ghoul.

If you are out there and have caught yourself thinking that you are just a heavy drinker with bad luck please freely take what is free from us folks in the recovery community. If you have a drinking problem or know that you are a person that suffers with alcoholism it is your RIGHT to get help from us.

Finding A Reason To Live

2009-06-11T22:01:00.000-07:00

The first step on my road to recovery was finding some reason, only one if necessary, to keep on living. My drinking was killing every aspect of my life; when I discovered that it was physically sending me towards the graveyard I guess I received my first God shot. My kidneys were shutting down and my liver was being damaged. Did my medical information keep me off the bottle for long? No. I avidly pursued revitalizing my health for six months, and then the obsession to drink returned and I fell. In a few short weeks my I bloated up and my innards began hurting again worse than ever. In other words, the elevator that was going down when I stepped off it 6 months prior had NOT ascended to meet me and continue down; I was on board at the bottom floor heading towards the basement where the cadavers are stored. The saying in AA is that "it gets worse never better." If you pick up and drink it as if you never stopped, and in my case my health worsened as if I had not stopped drinking in the first place. Such a strange disease. I know I was committing slow suicide, and I had to find one reason to live and hang on to that fragile idea.

Give freely that which you received for free!

2009-06-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

This blog is intended to help people that have found that groups such as alcoholics anonymous, sex addicts anonymous and narcotics anonymous are not the only answer to healthy addiction recovery. The best help I have received throughout the years actually has been "free". I made my firsts steps in recovery, because I latched on to the third step in the 12 step recovery process: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power as we understood that Higher Power. I have seen and heard of so many of us failing, because we could not wrap our minds around the higher power subject. We HAVE to make a beginning at finding some spiritual contact, because we humans seem incapable of digesting our own flaws. We have to have "something" out there to offload our defects of character on so we can, at some later point in time, deal with flaws and negative character traits when we are healthier. Even my sponsor could not handle all of my "issues" so I needed a higher power and sought it.

I found my higher power for free so I would like to share ideas about my journey for FREE. If I can help somebody out there avoid having to spend thousands of dollars on an addiction recovery and rehabilitation program I would love to do it through this site. I spent $15k on a rehabilitation program that spent 30 days shuttling me around to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings! What a great scam!

A New Beginning, Again

2009-06-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

How many of you people out there with an addiction or addictions have been told that you just need to go to AA, NA, OA, SA, etc, and get the "problem" solved? If you are in any way like me you may have found that the "anonymous" groups and the 12 steps in general comprise a great framework to live your life by if you are "somewhat" healthy to begin with. Sorry to wax rhetorical but why is it that I see so much turnover in my AA groups? I estimate that the relapse or "failure" rate in the multitude of 12 step groups I attend is roughly 80 percent. I am sober today, because I am using everything at my disposal such as diet, exercise, supplements, medication, faith-based recovery and so on to put my disease in remission. I humbly ask you out there what combination or combinations of tools you have you used to rid yourselves of addictive diseases?